Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
