wakey wakey hands off snakey
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
