dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
