capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
