somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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