The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
