she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
