apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
