Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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