Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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