Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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