I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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