i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
