She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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