my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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