I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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