I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize