OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
organizing the empties. That sober.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Who died my cat blue again?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
