I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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