You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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