She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
