I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
