He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
