I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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