I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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