Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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