Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
