There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
