I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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