My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
