She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
