You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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