you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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