My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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