hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
