I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
