Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
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I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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