I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize