Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize