i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
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It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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