Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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