Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
