Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
