Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
