Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
