Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
