it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
