I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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