Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
