4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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