I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
