In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
