Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
