you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
