No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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