when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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