Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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