So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize