everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
