I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
