That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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