That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
