Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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