But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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