Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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