I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
