He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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