I didn't shave. On purpose
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i dont even know how to be here
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
