Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
They have beer where we have blood.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
