I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
