Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
