gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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