I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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