things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
