just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
