You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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